He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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