He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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