You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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