Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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