I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
