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Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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