The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
where are my eyebrows?
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