Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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