even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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