Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
