Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
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He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
as a side note pls kill me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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