TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's shark week go big or go home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
