I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize