I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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