I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
