I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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