we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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