Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
