So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I faked an abortion last night.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
