No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
