I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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