Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
