Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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