His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
