I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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