so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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