Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
