i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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