Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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