This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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