his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize