and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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