just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
