yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
