Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
