I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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