Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
