sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
