i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
