i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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