I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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