You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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