life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
love makes seman taste better
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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