so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
