No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
