Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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