get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
