the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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