Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
