i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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