we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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