The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
