I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
