just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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