worst night to have a conscience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
