sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
