My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
