I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
