I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
