my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
