My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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