And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
